Disclaimer: I am a cisfemale with mostly heterosexual experiences in my sex life. Although I try to be gender neutral, and as inclusive as possible, I will have my slip ups. If you see something that can be alienating or offensive, I encourage you to let me know so I can learn as I go along.
Let's talk about sex and how you can make it better for you and your partner(s). And by "let's" I mean, "let me" because I'm going to do all the talking. Also, please note, I do not have any credentials to be talking about this other than an extremely awkward search history and my own experiences.
Pornos are not educational videos. If you saw it in a porno, you may want to ask first before trying it in bed. Porn is supposed to be more visually appealing, and in current times they tend to be more geared towards men. The question tends to be: "Would a man enjoy that?" instead of "Is that enjoyable for all parties?" If you want to watch porn to learn a few tricks, I suggest feminist porn! Now don't get me wrong, porn can be great. You can even watch it with your partner and it can give you ideas. My point here is, just because you watch porn, does not mean you will be a sexpert.
Explore your body. If sex with your partner isn't the best right now, go on a little self-exploratory adventure. Your body is not a war zone, do not fear what may happen if you decide to take a visit. Chances are, your body is more like a tropical island, hopefully without all the huge ass spiders. Find what feels good for you, and then tell your partner. Plus, there is never a problem with a little self-love every now and then. Or everyday. Even if you don't have a partner or you are enjoying sex with your partner, enjoy your body. Take your time to find out where on your body feels good besides the obvious parts.
Everybody has holes. This tip is mostly for heterosexual men who can't get their girlfriend to do anal. Hey, buddy. You have a butt too. And if you want your girlfriend to let you into hers, you sure as hell have to understand what you're asking. So if you want to put something in her butt, you better be able to let her put something in yours (with lube!). Do not fear your rectum! Anal can be very enjoyable if done properly and both parties are willing! This goes for anyone with a butt! This means that no one is being pressured, and you have lube at hand.
It's okay if you like feet. Or any other "weird" fetish. To be honest, a foot fetish is pretty common. Why do you think fancy shoes exist? Some people just like feet. And that's not the only fetish that's pretty vanilla nowadays. Light restraints, spanking, role-playing. If your partner approaches you with one of these ideas, do not freak out wondering what you got yourself into. There are not a lot of people who wouldn't be up for at least one of these things. Try it! It's fun.
And on that note, research. If you want to get into a little more of the more risque practices, I suggest reading up on it. Especially in the BDSM department. Fifty Shades of Grey does not count. Protip: Look up after care. This is an important part of the BDSM dynamic. This is the part no one talks about, and needs to.
Finally, COMMUNICATE. I can not say this enough. Communication is the only way your sex will be mind-blowing. Everyone is different and has their own needs and boundaries, and your partner can't respect those if you don't tell them. If you want to try something, bring it up to them and talk about it in a nonsexual environment. If there's something you don't like, bring it up! Don't be afraid to hurt their feelings. If they're a good partner, they'll just want to make you feel good. If that's not their concern, then they are not considering your feelings. You should always be able to communicate with your partner, about your own needs and boundaries as well as theirs. Your pleasure is just as important as theirs.
So these are just a few general tips that I think are important. I'll go a bit deeper into a few of them in later posts, but for now I think this covers all the general bases.
Remember kids, there's no shame in pleasure, and consent is sexy!
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