I have this theory, that I admit is a little far-fetched and not perfect. I feel that sex would make the world a better place. I mean, everyone would be happier!
I understand we already have sex in the world, and that in a world with so much sexualized media, how can we add more?
It's not the amount of sex, it's how it's associated and taught. I strongly believe that a huge part of the problem is the way we stigmatize and categorize sex. Sex is biologically designed to make us happy, yet why does it cause so much frustration and anger?
The root of the problem, as far back as I can trace it, is stigma. For most of us, we were brought up with the idea that sex was bad, we shouldn't talk about it and if you do it, you're dirty and shameful. Sex became a taboo. We weren't supposed to ask questions about how to make it better, and we were made to feel guilty even just masturbating.
The argument for providing little information about sexuality is aimed for adolescents and young children in an attempt to keep them from exploring their sexuality and suffering consequences such as pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Somehow this tactic doesn't appear to work, however. It still happens and now we have an MTV series dedicated to underage mothers.
Instead of forbidding sex to be discussed, I feel parents, guardians and teachers ought to answer questions about it honestly, with an appropriate amount of detail for their age. Information about the different forms of contraception, consent and sex can actually help teens from making informed decisions about when they are ready to have sex, instead of doing it for the wrong reasons, and also being safe and healthy. Shame can be removed from the equation, and they can be taught not to view sex as a determinant of status or power.
Wouldn't it be better if youth were taught the best sex was safe, respectful sex?
So much time and effort is put into with whom we should be having sex, how much or how little sex we're having, how many partners we have, and our relationship statuses. If we just had as much (or as little) sex as we wanted, with whomever made us happy, guilt-free, wouldn't our lives be even just the slightest bit better? All of this time we spend debating and making laws about sex, we could spend on much more serious problems.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Huh? What? Already?! -- Female Premature Orgasms
Sexual dysfunction. What comes to mind? Usually erectile dysfunction or maybe premature ejaculation. Female sexual dysfunction tends to go unquestioned. At most it seems to be believed that the inability to reach orgasm is the only sexual dysfunction women might have to deal with.
However, that isn't the case.
I soon learned this after nearly a month of a lagging libido. On a night out of town, I dragged myself out of my sexually-deprived shell and began foreplay. As my partner reached below my waist it was almost seconds before my body shook with a pleasure so intense it was almost painful. I pulled back, finished but honestly dissatisfied, not really feeling like continuing. It was until a similar experience happened while alone with a certain A. N. Roquelaure novel, only two pages in that I began to wonder what was wrong.
I began my search on Google with search phrases such as "quick sudden orgasm", "female sudden orgasm", and finally "premature female orgasm". The results were not helpful. At the very most was a post on how scientists have done a study that there is evidence that women suffer premature orgasms as well, and that they are beginning to look into causes. At the very least were forum postings from women suffering such things. The responses were appallingly similar. Most find that it's not a problem; it's been compared to men complaining about having large penises and anybody complaining about being "too pretty." That was if I could sift past the posts on premature ejaculation and "How to Get Her to Orgasm Faster!"
I can assure you, it isn't a treat to have a sudden orgasm, only moments into the act. When you try to continue, you're too sensitive to keep going, disappointing you and your partner. It's not really much of a climax if there's no real build up.
It can cause a real strain on your relationship. Orgasms can be a great stress relief, but it's all the work that goes into it that really pays off. Without that, stress and tension can build up in the relationship. There can feel like there's an imbalance in the bedroom, one party getting more pleasure than the other. Not to mention, sometimes you need that alone time with yourself to really feel comfortable in your own body. You can't be happy if you can't even satisfy yourself.
Even with the internet, there's not a lot of resources for women to solve this problem. Men have pills and advice columns and specialists dedicated to help them from prematurely ejaculating, but it's hard to get help as a female without being scoffed at.
The female body has long been neglected in science's eyes. Our anatomy and our orgasms have been haphazardly labelled and only recently has our sexuality been taken seriously. I mean, there is still debate on whether or not we have a G-Spot.
It is time that the female body stops being seen as a mysterious entity, unexplainable and incomprehensibly complex, and have credence given to our issues.
However, that isn't the case.
I soon learned this after nearly a month of a lagging libido. On a night out of town, I dragged myself out of my sexually-deprived shell and began foreplay. As my partner reached below my waist it was almost seconds before my body shook with a pleasure so intense it was almost painful. I pulled back, finished but honestly dissatisfied, not really feeling like continuing. It was until a similar experience happened while alone with a certain A. N. Roquelaure novel, only two pages in that I began to wonder what was wrong.
I began my search on Google with search phrases such as "quick sudden orgasm", "female sudden orgasm", and finally "premature female orgasm". The results were not helpful. At the very most was a post on how scientists have done a study that there is evidence that women suffer premature orgasms as well, and that they are beginning to look into causes. At the very least were forum postings from women suffering such things. The responses were appallingly similar. Most find that it's not a problem; it's been compared to men complaining about having large penises and anybody complaining about being "too pretty." That was if I could sift past the posts on premature ejaculation and "How to Get Her to Orgasm Faster!"
I can assure you, it isn't a treat to have a sudden orgasm, only moments into the act. When you try to continue, you're too sensitive to keep going, disappointing you and your partner. It's not really much of a climax if there's no real build up.
It can cause a real strain on your relationship. Orgasms can be a great stress relief, but it's all the work that goes into it that really pays off. Without that, stress and tension can build up in the relationship. There can feel like there's an imbalance in the bedroom, one party getting more pleasure than the other. Not to mention, sometimes you need that alone time with yourself to really feel comfortable in your own body. You can't be happy if you can't even satisfy yourself.
Even with the internet, there's not a lot of resources for women to solve this problem. Men have pills and advice columns and specialists dedicated to help them from prematurely ejaculating, but it's hard to get help as a female without being scoffed at.
The female body has long been neglected in science's eyes. Our anatomy and our orgasms have been haphazardly labelled and only recently has our sexuality been taken seriously. I mean, there is still debate on whether or not we have a G-Spot.
It is time that the female body stops being seen as a mysterious entity, unexplainable and incomprehensibly complex, and have credence given to our issues.
Sunday, 10 March 2013
Let's Talk About Sex...
Disclaimer: I am a cisfemale with mostly heterosexual experiences in my sex life. Although I try to be gender neutral, and as inclusive as possible, I will have my slip ups. If you see something that can be alienating or offensive, I encourage you to let me know so I can learn as I go along.
Let's talk about sex and how you can make it better for you and your partner(s). And by "let's" I mean, "let me" because I'm going to do all the talking. Also, please note, I do not have any credentials to be talking about this other than an extremely awkward search history and my own experiences.
Pornos are not educational videos. If you saw it in a porno, you may want to ask first before trying it in bed. Porn is supposed to be more visually appealing, and in current times they tend to be more geared towards men. The question tends to be: "Would a man enjoy that?" instead of "Is that enjoyable for all parties?" If you want to watch porn to learn a few tricks, I suggest feminist porn! Now don't get me wrong, porn can be great. You can even watch it with your partner and it can give you ideas. My point here is, just because you watch porn, does not mean you will be a sexpert.
Explore your body. If sex with your partner isn't the best right now, go on a little self-exploratory adventure. Your body is not a war zone, do not fear what may happen if you decide to take a visit. Chances are, your body is more like a tropical island, hopefully without all the huge ass spiders. Find what feels good for you, and then tell your partner. Plus, there is never a problem with a little self-love every now and then. Or everyday. Even if you don't have a partner or you are enjoying sex with your partner, enjoy your body. Take your time to find out where on your body feels good besides the obvious parts.
Everybody has holes. This tip is mostly for heterosexual men who can't get their girlfriend to do anal. Hey, buddy. You have a butt too. And if you want your girlfriend to let you into hers, you sure as hell have to understand what you're asking. So if you want to put something in her butt, you better be able to let her put something in yours (with lube!). Do not fear your rectum! Anal can be very enjoyable if done properly and both parties are willing! This goes for anyone with a butt! This means that no one is being pressured, and you have lube at hand.
It's okay if you like feet. Or any other "weird" fetish. To be honest, a foot fetish is pretty common. Why do you think fancy shoes exist? Some people just like feet. And that's not the only fetish that's pretty vanilla nowadays. Light restraints, spanking, role-playing. If your partner approaches you with one of these ideas, do not freak out wondering what you got yourself into. There are not a lot of people who wouldn't be up for at least one of these things. Try it! It's fun.
And on that note, research. If you want to get into a little more of the more risque practices, I suggest reading up on it. Especially in the BDSM department. Fifty Shades of Grey does not count. Protip: Look up after care. This is an important part of the BDSM dynamic. This is the part no one talks about, and needs to.
Finally, COMMUNICATE. I can not say this enough. Communication is the only way your sex will be mind-blowing. Everyone is different and has their own needs and boundaries, and your partner can't respect those if you don't tell them. If you want to try something, bring it up to them and talk about it in a nonsexual environment. If there's something you don't like, bring it up! Don't be afraid to hurt their feelings. If they're a good partner, they'll just want to make you feel good. If that's not their concern, then they are not considering your feelings. You should always be able to communicate with your partner, about your own needs and boundaries as well as theirs. Your pleasure is just as important as theirs.
So these are just a few general tips that I think are important. I'll go a bit deeper into a few of them in later posts, but for now I think this covers all the general bases.
Remember kids, there's no shame in pleasure, and consent is sexy!
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